354 days – 8496 hours – 509760 minutes
What a year. It’s been long, but yet not long enough. One thing is certain though: it’s been real. It has been very real and it is even more real, that it is over now and I am actually sitting on my bed in Germany at this very moment, writing this blog post.
The places I’ve seen during the past year, the people I’ve met, the experiences I made… It’s been thrilling, scary, wonderful, funny, stressful, memorable, relaxing, beautiful, exciting, unforgettable, picturesque, hilarious, ridiculous, challenging, incredible. Words can’t really cut it.
Leaving New Zealand sent me on an emotional roller coaster. I’ve been looking forward to going home a lot, to seeing my family and friends again, starting university, and not having to put up with four kids any longer (it’s been great, but I’m not going to lie, it was just as stressful). I’ve been looking forward to it so much that I didn’t enjoy my last weeks in New Zealand as much as I should have. It was only during the last couple days when it really hit me that I’m leaving and a huge wave of sadness came rolling down on me. As I was driving back home from Wanaka which kind of became my second home in New Zealand, I suddenly had tears streaming down my face and I found myself sobbing very unattractively. This stunning piece of earth on our wonderful planet has left an everlasting impression on me and it broke my heart to say goodbye. Goodbye to “my” four kids, goodbye to my home, goodbye to my friends who became such a fixed part of my life that it physically hurts not having them around anymore.
And now I’m back. Back in the same house, walking down the same streets that I grew up in, eating Sunday breakfasts with my parents like I did for all those years, chatting away with my friends that are still here, still with their boyfriends, doing the same thing that they did a year ago. I’m right there, among them all, in my old life. Fitting in perfectly but at the same time not at all.
To be honest, I feel like I have outgrown my life I left behind and with it, some people that were a part of it. The last year has shaped me in a way I could never have imagined. [I do realize it seems like the perfect cliché of the young girl who went out to explore the world and ~found herself~ although she really hasn’t changed at all except for getting really full of herself. But I swear – in my case it’s true. I have changed.] I know now who I am, where I am and where I want to go in life. I have developed strong opinions about all kinds of things, broadened my horizons, acquired a lot of knowledge. I’m more self confident than I ever was before. I gained 4 kilos. I literally do not fit in my old life anymore.
Now don’t get me wrong. Being back home is great. I missed being with my family so much. Finally having them around again feels so good and I enjoy every minute of it [that is, until we’ve all had enough of another because we’ve basically been sitting on top of each other 24/7]. Catching up with my friends was super awesome and I can’t wait to start hanging out with them again on a regular basis. The place that I live at in Germany is so nice and there are so many things for me to explore here which is even cooler since this is the place I grew up in.
And yet, it’s strange. I can’t help but feel so,so restricted. It is a big change, going from having a very autonomous life style and dealing with all the responsibilities that come with it to moving back in with your parents where, no matter if you want it or not, you’re forced back into the role of the child.
But hey, I can whine about it however much I want to, it’s not going to change anything. Actions are known to speak louder than words, so I’m gonna have to suck it up and start settling back in. After all, I knew from the very beginning my New Zealand trip came with a return ticket.
So here I am, the new and improved version of myself, ready for setting out for new adventures.